


Feel Alive

by FromOneToAnother



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Adult Content, Adultery, Car Accidents, Cheating, Drinking, F/M, Minor Character Death, Sexual Content, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 04:08:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3595770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FromOneToAnother/pseuds/FromOneToAnother
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Tell me that you don't love me, Tris." He tilts my face up and I look at him, his eyes stare into mine. "Tell me and I'll leave you be. Just friends." I know I don't want that. "No, no." I wrap my arms around his neck, "I love you." He crushes his mouth to mine, his lips pulling at my bottom one, and I swear that it is just me and him in this shark tunnel. "Good, I love you too."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The sun is peeking in and out between the clouds making the leaves on the tree cast a shadow across the front lawn of the apartment building where I sit, my cell is pressed to my ear, fingers on my other hand fiddling with a lock of hair.

"What do you mean they switched rooms on you?" My grandma is doing everything but yelling through the phone.

"Well the tenant didn't move out of the apartment that the landlord was going to rent to me. So she offered me an open apartment on the second floor. And which I couldn't say no. I'm already miles away and I would have no where else to stay." I start to stand up and dust of the back of my jeans, I don't know why but there could be grass on there or whatever. "So I have to take it."

"And that's why I wanted your brother to go with you!" I hear her yelling away from the phone.

"I have to go now Grandmama. I love you, bye." I hang up and slip my phone into my bag in the front seat of the moving truck. I've already unhooked and parked my car in the parking lot now to unload what's in the truck itself.

I slide open the back and grab the dolly. One thing I do know is when moving with a dolly always pack it last. I wheel it down the ramp and over the curb to set next to the moving truck. I walk back up to get boxes. I carry two large boxes up to my door setting them down to open it and stare at my barren studio apartment. I set a box in front of the door to keep it open as I carry the boxes in. I'm down to a few boxes left when I start wondering how I'm going to get the heavy stuff up the stairs.

"Hey." I walk to the end of the truck and poke my head out two young men are standing there, one with the dolly in his hands. "Would you like some help?" He asks me.

"Oh thank you!" I hop down. "I was suppose to be on the first floor but I ended up having to move into the second and wasn't notified until I got here. My name's Tris."

"Well, Tris, I'm Tobias and this is my friend Eric. You can thank Christina." Tobias points at a car leaving the lot. "She knocked on our door to ask if we could help you. She's cousins with one of our friends who lives here in the apartment buildings. She saw you needed help and we happened to be over here."

"Oh that was very nice." I smile and Tobias smiles back his dark blue eyes crinkling at the corners. I grab the rest of the boxes as he and Eric grab the furniture. Once I clear the boxes out of the way and have them stacked in the kitchen area I go out to help them carry things up.

I grab the end of my dresser and Tobias shakes his head. "You don't have to do that."

"Are you saying I can't?" I start heaving it up the stairs in the dolly by myself. "Because my older brother and I moved ourselves into our grandmama's house when-" I stop. I shouldn't tell strangers about this. "Never mind. I can help get the furniture up too. Wouldn't be nice if I made you two do all the work."

Eric walks around to the other end and looks over my shoulder. "Better not argue, Four."

"Four?"

"It's an old nickname that I wish people would drop." Tobias walks back out to grab the next thing after shooting a glare in Eric's direction.

"You two seem very different." I tell Eric once we've made it up the flight of stairs.

"What do you mean?" He pushes the dolly through and looks at me a pierced eyebrow raised. I point at a wall next to where I'll put the bed. I shake my head. Maybe they have been friends a long time and used to have more in common. Eric sighs. "We grew up on the same street. Never talked and then one day a kid was trying to start shit. I was probably fifteen maybe almost sixteen and I knocked his teeth out. Well the kid's mother called the cops and Four saved me from a court date by saying that he was with me doing homework. Well my aunt didn't care. As long as I was out of trouble she'd go along with anything and agreed that we were over there all night."

I shake my head, "and you just got off like that?"

He smirks at me. "I get off just like that a lot." He gives me a wink and I wrinkle my nose.

"Gross." I laugh, "well you have stated the first sign of friendship, Eric. Innuendos!"

Tobias comes through the door, "Eric, you are missing out!" He has my platform bed frame on one end and a girl with short deep red hair is carrying the other end. "Thank you, Lauren."

"Yo, Eric." She waves. "New girl."

"Tris." I stick my hand out and she shakes it.

"I live catty-corner of you. My boyfriend Max lives there. These two knuckle-heads are friends of ours. So they're over there more times then not." She smiles. "I like your hair, I like all the colors."

"Oh, thank you." I twirl a teal lock around my finger.

"What is it? Purple, blue and teal?" She smiles, a stone glittering above her lip next to her nose.

I nod, "so uhm. You can put the frame here." I walk over to the walled of section and point. "I have a bedside table that goes here and so the bed will be next to it."

Tobias nods and he and Lauren carry the bed frame over. I head out to help grab something else, Eric follows. "He will yell if we just stand around, or well he'll yell at me. He likes you."

"Well that's good I mean he doesn't know me enough but I guess I'm likeable." I climb up the back of the truck and grab the futon.

"Well yeah I guess but I mean he likes you. One of the reasons he dragged me out here. He just had to meet you. So if he asks you out on a date don't feel obligated to say yes because he helped you today." Eric lifts up the other end. "You're not really his type. He goes for more defined, bigger is better to him. And you're flashy, I guess. Normally his girls aren't so brave with their hairstyles and such. Though you do have something about you. Maybe your idiocy at moving without help."

"Excuse me? I told you-"

"I'm joking." He shakes his head. We climb down from the truck and carry the futon up.

"What about you?" I tighten my grip as we start to ascend the stairs.

"What about me what?" He looks at me, some of his hair falling into his eyes.

"Am I your type?" His end of the futon slides a little and he stares at me. I start to tell him I'm joking when he opens his mouth.

"My type moves with help instead of on their own."

"I told you-" I get a little angry.

"I know. I know." He sighs. "Landlord switched your apartment because the fucker in it didn't move out."

It's past four when we're finished moving all my furniture into the room. I'm starting to unpack my boxes, putting books on shelves and dishes in the cabinets.

"So, Tris. Is this all new?" Tobias whistles and I turn.

"No uhm, the dishes and the futon are the only things new. I may have to buy a new bed set but everything is from my room back home." I shrug. "I may have a friend and they could fall asleep or want to stay the night and there's a futon for them."

"Don't most girls just share a bed?" Tobias looks at Lauren.

"It could be a boy." She picks up a box labeled clothes and sets it in front of the dresser. "Well new girl I guess we will be seeing you around."

Tobias shuts the door behind them and I scramble my way to my feet and open the door. Tobias is on the other side hand raised to knock. "Oh sorry, uhm. What apartment is Christina's? I'd like to thank her when I can."

"She lives on the third floor. Hey listen I was wondering would you like to go out sometime?" He runs a hand through his hair.

"Sure I'd love to hang out with you guys."

"No I mean you and me. Just you and me. Like as a date." Tobias looks behind him then back at me.

Oh.

Well one date wouldn't hurt now would it.

"Sure." I smile. "Like now?"

"No, no. I'll let you get settled and maybe like Saturday?" He nods and I nod back.

"Here's my number." I grab a sticky note off the counter and write it down before handing it to him, "feel free to give it to Lauren and Eric. Maybe they'll like to try the futon out. I saw the look in Lauren's eyes."

He laughs. "I will let her know that she is welcome to your futon."

I watch him walk to the door catty-corner of mine. Once I have the boxes unpacked I load up the truck and drive it to a gas station before dropping it off at the moving truck place in town. I take a taxi back to the apartment building. My phone in my pocket rings and I look at the caller screen. 'It's Me Mother Fucker' flashing across the screen and I start laughing.

"Hello?" I answer still laughing.

"Do you still have my name as that mother fucker thing? Ow!" There's a crash and I hear his voice far away.. "Grandmama! Ow I'm sorry. Beatrice?" His voice is clearer and closer. "She just smacked me! Yes I understand my potty mouth- I'm going upstairs!" I hear a door shut and I'm laughing harder.

"I take it nothing has changed?" I sit on the steps to the front door.

"Don't say that! A lot has changed, Beatrice." Caleb sighs. "We miss you here. Grandmama had me do the dishes by myself after dinner!"

"Oh no you poor thing." I giggle.

"I know. Then she had me watch this thing on the history channel and every time I corrected the people on there she threw her knitting yarn at me!" He says like it was the worst thing to happen to him.

I sit outside and talk to my brother for a while before we say our goodbyes and I walk back up to my apartment. I pull the key out of my pocket and unlock the door before shutting and locking it behind me. I walk over to the bed and fall face first into the pillows. That night I fall asleep thinking about the people I've already met, the family I left behind, and of my parents.

I wake up the next day still dressed. I roll out of bed and head for the bathroom. Once showered I stand in the middle of my room. I'll have to buy a curtain to go over the arch of my bedroom, and possibly a rug for the wooden floor. I towel down my hair before brushing it letting it finish drying into it's natural waves and few curls. I pick up my phone off the table and there's a new message. 'Hello. It's Tobias.'

I respond and set the phone down before grabbing my grocery list note pad and sit on the futon to get started on what I would have in my fridge. My phone chimes and I pick it up. 'What are you up to today?'

I reply with 'nothing much making a grocery list then I have to go to the store to buy said list.'

I pull into the parking lot with a trunk full of groceries. I grab a few bags settling for making multiple trips than risking one of the bags ripping. I'm walking up to the door when a dark skinned woman opens the door for me.

"You must be the new tenant! I'm Christina." She holds her hand out and takes some of the bags.

"Oh thank you! I didn't know what I was going to do moving everything by myself." I walk up to my floor and she follows. The door catty-corner to mine opens and Eric steps out.

"To warn you, Lauren is fixing to come out here and-"

"Shut up, Eric!" The girl shoves around him. "Hello, Christina, how is Will?"

"He's fine. How is my cousin?" She answers as I get the door open and I set the groceries down to return to my car for the rest.

My phone rings in my pocket and I pull it out, hit accept, and wedge it between my cheek and shoulder. "Hello?"

"Hey, uh, Tris. It's me, Tobias."

"Oh hey!" I take bags in each hand and huff.

"Are you busy?" He asks.

"I'm just carrying up groceries." Wouldn't be nice to say he was making it harder by calling, he didn't know.

"Oh, so this is bad time right?"

"Well if you wouldn't mind me sticking my phone into my pocket until I get these upstairs." I lean against the wall leading up to the stairs.

"Not at all." I set the bags down and click mute on him before locking the screen and sticking it in my pocket.

I'm up the stairs and close to my door when it opens for me. Eric is standing there, Christina is just behind him putting away what groceries were already up there. I raise both my eyebrows, did they just let themselves in.

"You keep leaving the door open so-" Eric starts as Christina yells. "We thought if you didn't have to put groceries away and I made you dinner you wouldn't be angry about Lauren."

"Angry?" I carry the rest of the groceries in, Lauren is there curled up on my futon.

"God bless you." She keeps repeating over and over. Since the futon is in bed form I decide that I might want to move it some. Eric takes the bags out of my hands and sets them on the counters. I empty my pockets and grab a hair tie from the bathroom to tie my hair up in a messy bun. I stand next to the futon, arms crossed, Lauren looks up at me and rolls over some so I can sit.

"So like how do you all know each other like who is friends with who?" I lie back on the bed and Christina pipes up.

"Well I was living here first with my cousin Max and then I met my boyfriend Will," She starts.

"How is, Will?" Lauren asks.

"He's doing fine. Anyways and then we moved up a floor because well the apartments are nice. Cheap enough to be very nice. Not ridiculous like over a thousand a month. But so Max has been long time friends with Eric maybe as long as Tobias."

"Shorter." Eric crosses his arms.

She shoots him a look. "Then Max met Lauren online and she moved out here and they met and it was really gross to be honest. They didn't leave the apartment for a while." Lauren laughs.

"So do you all hang out with Tobias? I'm trying to figure out who is friends with who because of who." I flick at Lauren's foot.

"Tobias comes over because of Eric. He's only over here if Eric is but usually only if Max isn't around. Max was here earlier so Tobias didn't come." Lauren taps my thigh. "He has his friends and Eric has his and they just kinda hang out."

"I don't care much for his friends. I tolerate them." Eric starts crumpling up bags and stuffing them into another bag. "I mean you've seen Tobias. How did you describe us. Tris?"

"Different."

"Tobias is a good guy." Eric sits down on the futon, my leg pressed to his back. "But he's not like my other friends and I'm not like his friends. When you meet them you'll see."

I sit up. "Shit!"

"What?" Christina is holding a pan and comes around the corner holding it like a weapon.

I pick up my phone and unlock the screen, the call had been disconnected. I decide to call him back. It rings and I cover the mouthpiece. "Tobias called and I put him on hold and I forgot."

"We've all done that." Lauren waves her hand and I walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.

"Hello?" It's Tobias and he sounds annoyed.

"I'm so sorry!" I sit on top of the toilet seat. "I forgot that you were on the line."

"You forgot." His voice is neutral and I sigh.

"I just wanted to sit down for a few seconds. I didn't sleep too well last night." I pop my neck.

"That's fine. I'm sorry. I was just going to ask if we were still on for Saturday or would you like to make it tomorrow night if you're not to busy?" I hear a chime. "Hold on." There's tapping. "So tomorrow?"

"Sure." I bite my thumb.

"I'll pick you up around six then. Bye." The line goes dead and when I walk out Eric and Lauren seem to be in a heated discussion, arguing quietly on the futon as Christina is cooking. I grab plates down from the cabinet.

"Do you mind watching this I'm gonna see if Will is home." She points at a pan on the stove and Lauren sits up.

"Do you mind if I invite Max over?" I shake my head and she leaves behind Christina.

I look at Eric. "You know most people ask if they can come in and all that."

"I know. I'm sorry. Christina thought you wouldn't mind if she started putting the groceries away and before I knew it Lauren was in here flattening out your futon." I poke at the food in the pan as he stands up and walks over to me. "Is that hamburger helper?"

I hum and look up at him. "Did that hurt?"

"Excuse me?"

"The labret." I tap the area below my bottom lip.

He shrugs. "As much as any other piercing. Why?"

"I've always wanted to get a vertical labret but I've heard that they hurt more than normal ones." I furrow my brow.

"And here you are two industrials, a tragus, a conch in one ear and on the other not only do you have the helix pierced all the way around but you have a chain." He raises an eyebrow. "And two nose rings in one nostril. Very vanilla piercings if you ask me."

I frown at him before sticking my tongue out. Jack ass. "I used to have a monroe."

"Like I said. Vanilla piercings." He smiles. "So Tobias called you. And?"

"He asked me out on a date." I reply as Lauren and a dark skinned man walk through the door.

"Hmm." Eric nods and turns. "Max! How was work?"

"Tiring." The man gives a small smile.

"Hello!" I wave. Why the fuck- does anybody knock around here? "I'm Tris."

"Ah the new girl. I've heard a lot about you," here it goes. Yes I know I shouldn't have moved alone. "The one that looks like a female version of Eric but Tobias is strangely interested in you. Do you mind if I sit?" He points at the futon.

"You're the first to ask and yes, you may." I wave my hand. There's a knock and Lauren turns around and opens the door. A blonde haired boy pokes his head in.

"May we come in?" He asks as Christina says. "Just go in!"

"There are people who ask in this building." I throw my hands up. "Yes come in, come in. You can have the futon too. I'm Tris."

Will nods. "I'm sorry about Christina. She can be something."

I give her a look. "She's something alright but hell she did find me helping hands when moving so I don't have a problem with her 'something'." She smacks Will's arm then heads over to the pan.

"Sit I'm supposed to be making you dinner," I go join everyone on the futon. Lauren has hijacked the remote to my TV and is currently switching through channels.

After dinner around nine when Christina and Will leave, Max and Lauren are next. Max stops in the doorway. "You staying on the couch, Eric?"

"Nah, I'll head home." He waves and Max nods before turning to me.

"It was nice meeting you, Tris if you have any problems or anything don't hesitate to knock on my door." He shuts the door and I get up to do dishes.

"I would have made one of them do that." Eric stands awkwardly in the middle of my empty dining area.

"It's no problem. I like washing dishes, good time to listen to music." I shrug and start running hot water to fill the sink.

"Ah music. So what kind do you listen to?" He starts rolling up the sleeves on his arms and walks over to the sink.

"You don't have to help."

"I'm just putting off the walk home." He grabs a towel. "You wash I rinse and put away?"

I nod.

"So music?" He asks again and I shrug.

"Depends on what I want to listen to. Though when cleaning it's mainly EDM."

"The bar I work at plays nothing but EDM every Saturday." He smiles and we finish the dishes in silence.

"Would you like me to drive you home?" I grab my keys and Eric shrugs.

"If you want to."

"I don't mind come on." I show him to my car. A black Honda Civic Si. He looks at me and I raise my eyebrows, "what?"

"Nothing." He starts jiggling the handle. "Let me in mom!"

"God dammit! Don't call me that or I'll make you walk!" I frown as I unlock his door. He ducks down smiling at me.

"You sound just like a mom, you know." I start the engine as he gets in.

I reverse and pull out of the parking lot. "Where do I go, jackass."

"So you turn right up here." He points out and I do. It's fairly quiet so I hand him my phone.

"Do you mind plugging this in for me?"

"No." He does and I take it quickly looking down to unlock it and click shuffle.

"Just so you know I do not know what will pop up at when." I make a face and he laughs.

"I'll judge you silently."

"So tell me about yourself. You were born here correct?"

"Yes." He points over the dash. "Take this exit."

A song by Dashboard Confessional fills the car and I take a second to look at the man in my passenger seat. He is mumbling along with the words head bobbing slightly. I look back at the road, maybe this ride won't be embarrassing. The next song seems to fail me. Eric doesn't seem phased as he goes from "Don't Wait" to "Kiss Me Slowly".

"You hear a lot of music working at a bar. Sometimes songs are slow so people can dance to them. You kinda start hearing it all."

"Admit it you like this music." I smile.

"Never said I didn't." He points. "That building is mine. Thank you for the ride."

"Anytime." I smile, "did Tobias give you my number?"

Eric shakes his head. "Was he supposed to?"

I bite the inside of my cheek. "Well I asked him to give it to you and Lauren. Anyways-"

He picks up my phone and starts tapping at the screen then a phone starts ringing and he takes his out of his pocket. "There I have it now."

"Okay. Don't hesitate to call or text." I watch him close the door and head to his house. I watch him stop and turn around heading towards my car. He looks both ways kind of before walking to my window. Eric is standing there, tongue running over the top of his spider bites. I roll down the window and he ducks down. "Yes?"

He reaches in and pulls my face towards his, his lips press against mine. He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and I reach a hand out to grab the back of his neck. Our mouths move against each other for a while. He pulls away, bottom lip swollen. We stare at each other and he stands up.

"Thank you again. For the ride." He rubs the back of his neck and then smiles. "Goodnight, Tris."

"Night." I don't even notice that the window is still down and that my car's silent until I'm pulling into the parking lot of my apartment building.

My mouth is tingling with the memory of Eric's lips and I unplug my phone and grab my keys after shutting off the engine. I sit in my car staring out the windshield, what did I just- what just- what?

I'm up the stairs and through my door in a matter of minutes. I fold up the futon and undress before crawling under the covers of my bed.

My phone buzzes on the nightstand next to me. 'Did you make it home okay?'

'Yes.'

'Listen I'm sorry.'

'I shouldn't have kissed you like that.'

'especially since you're going on a date with Four.'

'Okay? So act like nothing happened?'

'Yeah.'

I lock the screen and set it back down. Well fuck.

It's a few hours before Tobias will come to pick me up and most girls would probably be running around figuring out what would be cute to wear but I'm staring at what's hanging up in my closet wondering what would be practical. Not saying that girls who do that are any less than me but seriously. What if I wear heels and he takes me mini-golfing? Or I wear a dress and it's like hiking. Though I don't think he'd take me hiking at six in the evening. But you never know.

What if I wear jeans and it's this really nice restaurant?

Well... fuck.

I settle for jeans hopefully he will understand. Maybe a little make-up will atone for the unflashiness of my outfit. I tie my hair up into a ponytail and settle for finishing up this email to a potential job. Which only takes a couple of minutes. Why is it when you need to pass the time nothing comes to mind to do except staring at the clock and twiddling your thumbs?

I pick up a book and sit down, opening it and I start reading. My eyes running over the words on the page. There's a knock and I'm torn out of the passage I was reading. I uncurl my legs and stand up.

"Hello?" I stand on the other side.

"Tris?" Tobias asks and I answer the door.

"Sorry, what time is it?" I look around for my phone. Three texts and two calls. "I'm so sorry I was reading and I got sucked in." I grab my keys and my bag before slipping into my flats and we head down to his car a blue Dodge Challenger. "So what are we doing?"

"We are going to go play mini-golf with my friends Zeke and Shauna." He smiles at me from the driver's side and I nod slowly.

"Okay." Mini-golfing good thing I didn't wear heels.

"So why did you move here?"

I shrug. "Looking for work."

"Ah, something I can help with?" He smiles.

"Probably not. I've already emailed who I needed to and sent in my portfolio. Just have to wait for an email back and an interview." I take out my phone and check my email. Nothing, though I should give them time.

"So here we are!" He parks the car next to a orange Dodge Dart and the occupants inside get out. He gets out and a man a little lighter than Christina gets out and he and Tobias do the bro hug. A dark haired girl gets out and I open the car door and stand awkwardly off to the side.

"Oh, Zeke, Shauna, this is Tris. Tris, this is my best friend Zeke and his girlfriend Shauna." Tobias smiles and I wave.

"Hello." Shauna hugs me and I shake Zeke's hand.

"Let's go play some mini golf!" Zeke takes Shauna's hand and Tobias and I follow. Once we've all paid and we select our clubs and balls then we start at hole one. Zeke decides that he will go first to see who will putt first. He hits the ball and it rolls down the green of the first course stopping near the left of the goal. He turns to look at us, "winner picks dinner and the movie after?"

"Dinner and a movie?" I look at Tobias who gives me an impish smile.

"I thought you'd enjoy it hanging out with me and them."

Shauna goes next and hits it not as hard as Zeke and it travels half way, Tobias after her. He hits it more to the right and it looks like he and Zeke may be tied on the first hole. But not known to any of them my parents, Caleb, and I used to do this all the time and I'm quite good at this. Should have done it by teams.

It's my turn and Tobias looks at me. "Just try your best okay, Zeke likes to turn everything into a competition."

"He's just telling you that because you guys are gonna lose! There's this place where I've been dying to eat and I will!" Zeke punches Tobias' arm and I roll my eyes. I position the ball and myself so and swing the club. The ball rolls down the green and sinks into the cup. Birdie.

I go get my ball and join the group, club over my shoulder. "What? Should've asked if I was good or not and I would have told you that my brother and I used to participate in this like mini-golf competition." I smile at them, "just try your best, okay?"

"Damn," Shauna raises an eyebrow. "I think you've met your match, babe."

We are an hour in and on the twelfth hole. I've managed to finish this course with another birdie, my third one of the evening, when my phone buzzes in my pocket. I watch Zeke and Tobias "discuss" if Zeke's last shot was in fact out of bounds as I pull it out of my pocket.

'So how's the date?' -Eric

'Kinda boring. Mini-golf.'

'Even though I haven't been since my dad last took me.'

'Mmm, who's winning?'

'I am. Zeke and Tobias are tied.'

'What does the winner get?'

'To pick dinner and a movie.'

'I don't know anywhere around here that's good.'

'The pizzeria Alejandro's is good.'

'As for a movie Tobias likes horror.'

'I don't care about what they like I want what I like.'

'Hmm. Action or mystery?'

'I like mystery but if there's only action then I'll take that.'

'There's a movie out doing really well.'

'It's called 'Down the Tracks' Starts at nine-forty.'

'Thank you, Eric.'

"Who you talking to?" Shauna taps her chin and I quickly lock my phone and drop it into my pocket.

"Is it my turn? Was it out of bounds or not?" I tilt my head.

"Who knows I kinda shut it out. But yeah it's your turn. I hope you win. I would've liked to mainly for two reasons, one because Zeke and Four like horror movies and there's one out and I hate horror. Zeke likes taking me to them because, well, I hide into his chest."

"Ah," I nod and Zeke and Tobias walk over.

"We're gonna go get something to drink, want anything?" Tobias looks at me and I nod.

"A water, please." They leave to the stand and Shauna holds up two fingers.

"Because there's this romantic movie out about this couple and one gets put in a coma and she's pregnant and gives birth and like the guy has to raise the baby on his own." She sighs and I nod.

"Okay." I say as I swing my club and get farther than the others. I'll make sure we do.

"Man that sucks!" Zeke frowns at me. "You're too good!"

I shrug. The ending score had been me with a negative two, Tobias with a two, Zeke with three and Shauna with five.

"So, since Tris is new I think we should take her to that place near the mall." Tobias throws his arm over my shoulders and I shake my head.

"I want to go to Alejandro's and I remember there being a movie I was thinking of that one that Shauna was telling me about. What was it called?"

Shauna's eyes light up and she smiles. "Taking Forever!"

"Okay let's go see that." I smile and we part to our rides.

"Wow, I had no idea you were so good!" Tobias is very animated on the way to the pizzeria. More so then at the start of our date. "So what made you want to pick this place?"

"Eric told me that-"

"Oh." Tobias' eyes narrow. "Did he now."

"What?" I cross my arms.

"Nothing."

"It's obviously something, Tobias." I say as he parks the car and turns towards me.

"Eric's nice and all that but he's not the best person. To be honest I really wouldn't be around him all that much if we weren't living together and if I didn't feel like I owed him something."

"Owed him?" I put a hand on the door handle.

"Yeah he use to help me with homework and saved me from paying a rent on my own. Just he has money and no one knows where he gets it from, working at a bar surely doesn't bring in that much even with tips. Plus have you seen him?"

"Excuse me?" I open the door and exit. Zeke and Shauna are waiting and I join them.

"What did you do?" Zeke walks over to Tobias and Shauna leans down.

"Are you okay?"

"Just fine." I walk into the pizzeria and wait.

All through dinner I refuse to meet Tobias' eyes. Zeke sets down his drink ad shoots Tobias a look before looking at me. "So Four told me you're looking for a job. What are you interested in?"

"Well I have a bachelor's in photography. So probably something like that." I take a bite of my pizza while making a mental note to thank Eric for suggesting this place. The movie however was everything I knew it was going to be. Sad, Shauna started crying, Zeke groaned, and I went through a bit of déjà vu. When we part ways, Tobias taking the road back to the apartment complex does he apologize. Sort of.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I didn't mean that there was something wrong with the way you looked. I mean you look nice, not too many piercings on your face. Just so many ruin your face." He shrugs.

"You know it could be worse. Instead of him having spider bites on one side, a nose ring, his eyebrows, ears and what ever else there is. He could have every inch pierced. People do that. His is vanilla compared to some of the people I've seen in shops." I rest my head against the window.

"Why are you so defensive of him?" Tobias' knuckles go white.

"I'm defensive over me and what I like to do with my body. By making fun of one you make fun of all of us." I bite my lips, I sound just like my dad.

"Whatever. Just forget I said anything." He turns on the radio and I stare out at the street. When we pull up he turns the car off before looking at me. He takes a deep breath. "Listen I really am sorry."

"Okay." I still don't look at him.

"Would you like to go out again some time? Just us two. It'll be better I promise and I'll try not to insult you." Tobias smiles and I nod.

"Fine, I like art galleries." I shrug.

"Deal!" He smiles. "Want me to walk you to your door?"

"No thank you." I unbuckle my set belt.

"Tris?"

"Yes?" I say as I turn to him and next thing I know his mouth is on mine. Timid at first, almost as if he doesn't want to kiss me. He pulls away and blinks before diving in for a second kiss, a much harder second kiss.

"Goodnight, Tris. I'll let you pick the time and date of our next date?"

"Sounds like a deal." I smile before leaving the car.


	2. Chapter 2

I tap my fingers against the counter as the phone on the end of the line rings. "Hello?" Tobias answers almost like he's far away.

"Hey, Tobias. It's Tris." I want to smack my head against a wall, what am I doing? "So I was calling about that date?" Give him a chance Shauna said. Fine I will.

I hear something fall and there's muttering. "-dammit, Eric. I just cleaned out the inside of my car!"

I blow out the air in my mouth, making a noise. "Tobias?"

"Yeah sorry."

"Am I on speakerphone?" I furrow my eyebrows and walk to the futon.

"Well I'm driving so it's more like you're on the car's stereo." He laughs. "But what was this about a date?"

"Well there's this movie. One that I'd really like to go to. Maybe one that you won't like. I know it's farfetched-"

"No no no. We should go, actually I felt like you forgot about me and I was going to ask you out for tacos."

"I guess tacos would be good tonight." I bounce my knee up and down.

"Well it's a date. I'll pick you up at seven?"

"Date?" I ask.

"Yeah. See ya, Tris." The line goes dead and I sigh. Fuck.

When the night of the movie rolls around I'm a little nervous, the taco night was almost a disaster in my book. Another comment about how I'd look better if I didn't have the hoop through my nose and if it was a stud. Then another unexciting kiss in his car. Then the following night he showed up with an idea to go do mini-golf just me and him, and I couldn't say no in front of Lauren and Christina. So throughout the whole night he kept making sexual innuendos, which I was fine with, until he asked at what point in our relationship he'd get some action. I ignored the question until he dropped me off at home. He got out and walked me to my apartment door, sweet until he tried sticking his tongue down my throat. I find not being able to leave without kisses as cute as the next girl but not on the second date. That's for the three month mark when you both know that you're in love and in the cutesy, flowers when you had a bad day, tampon and pad buying stage of the relationship.

So I'm nervous because tonight he may ask to come up and I can't do that. I'm not even sure if we're dating! You don't have to be dating to have sex but I'd at least like to know my partner a little better.

There's a knock and I take a deep breath before answering the door. "Ready?" Tobias smiles and I nod. "So I know that there's this movie that you want to see but I have a suggestion for one. Down the Tracks?"

I raise an eyebrow. That's something.

"Eric suggested it, and I thought if he liked it you may since you two are best buds all of a sudden."

Of course. Oh well, at least he's trying right? At dinner he was polite and held open doors. Maybe we can be near each other and it not be awkward. Never mind during one part of the movie, with most of the popcorn eaten, the drink all gone, and my bladder full, I decided to get up and Tobias wouldn't move his legs, and said that to get by I had to kiss him. So I did because peeing in the middle of a movie theater was not yet on my bucket list and it never will be. Then later on the ride home he complained about not understanding the movie and I had to explain it to him.

It's not that hard to understand that the "son" was really the killer.

When we made it back to the apartment he shut the car off and pulled me to him, his tongue pushing past my lips and a hand groping my breast like I was getting a mammogram. I push at his hand and my phone's ringer goes off. I pull away and pull it out of my pocket and the phone flies to the back set and I scramble over the console to get to it.

'It's me MotherFucker!' flashing on the screen and I press the green button and yell. "Hello? Hold on I dropped the goddamn phone!"

My brother… my brother is calling. It's almost midnight there. Why is he calling? Has something happened? I grab my phone and press it to my ear. "Is everything okay? Bye Tobias!" I yell and exit the car.

"Who's Tobias?" My brother asks and then sighs. "Not important."

"Is Grandmama okay?" I try to not let my hand shake as I jab my key into the locks.

"Oh yes. I was just calling because well… it's gonna be the first time." He whispers. "First time that I won't have you with me when I go to Mom and Dad's graves Saturday."

I drop my keys and slide down the wall in the hallway outside my door. How could I forget?

"Tris?"

"I'm gonna miss going to their graves." I whisper, my heart is pounding. "I'm not gonna get to see them this year." I think of the scar that I have down my side, the memories that flood my mind. I don't know when I get up and make it inside but I know that Caleb is still on the line. Still here just like he was that day.

"Tris?" Christina waves a hand in front of my face and I look at her, unfocused. "Are you okay?"

"Hmm?" I blink and give her a small smile.

"Did you hear a word I had said to you?"

"No." I shrug and pick myself up off the futon, I walk over to my dresser and grab a pair of jeans out of the bottom drawer and a shirt. I dress quickly and pull my hair back into a ponytail. I slip into my tennis shoes and I grab my keys. "Please lock the door when you leave. I'll be back later." I have to get away from her.

"Tris what's wrong?" Christina gets up from the futon and I shake my head at her. I start down the stairs and the second I'm out the door I take off running down the sidewalk, damp from this morning's rain. I have to clear my head. Have to try to forget what day it is.

I don't know how long I ran for, I don't know how far I am when I stop and take my phone out of my pocket the screen flashing with Christina's voicemail from a missed call. I unlock the screen and open up a new message.

'Need a drink. Know any good bars in town?'

It takes a few minutes of me walking until I get a response. 'Well… yeah.' –Eric

'Cool, where is it?'

'What's wrong, Chris said that you just took off'

'Don't wanna talk just wanna drink.'

He tells me the name of a bar, Toxic Spirits and its location. I find it after asking a couple of people probably wondering what a young woman such as myself would want with a bar at three in the afternoon. I walk in through the door and a few heads turn to look at me as I make my way to the bar and sit on a stool. The lady behind the counter raises a pierced eyebrow at me, her red hair up in a bun.

"Are you lost, sweetheart?" She puts a hand on the counter, the rings on her fingers catching the light.

"Nuh uh." I lean on my elbows.

"What will it be?" She grabs a glass. "We have coke and Pepsi products and we have water."

"I want scotch." I watch her set the glass down, "just scotch."

"Mm, I like a girl who can drink." Eric's voice sounds above me and he's leaning over the counter. "Don't worry, Nicole I can take care of her." He turns from her to me. "Follow me."

I get up and he takes a hold of my arm and leads me to an office.

"Christina told me that you've been in a funk all day, then you just up and left your apartment. Sit." He guides me to a chair behind a desk and I sit down and he sits on the edge of the desk. "So what's going on?"

"Are you going to let me drink or not?" I spin in the chair and he sighs before standing up, his shirt riding up on the side showing a bit of his tattooed side. He leaves the office, shutting the door behind him and I get up and walk around the room. Three chairs line the far wall next to the door. I'm sitting at the desk across from the door, a closed laptop on the far side of the desk. There are a few drawers lining the left side of the desk. A couch is to my right and I wonder if people come in here to sleep, or if someone lives here. I get up and walk around the desk to the couch. Beside it is a wall of degrees and a bookshelf.

Master's in Business.

Master's in Finance.

Bachelor's in Computer Science.

All with the name 'Eric Shannon Matthews'.

Every single one.

"Ah you've found my dirty secret." I jump and Eric shuts the door behind him. "I may have to dispose of you since you now know my full name."

"Eric, these are yours?" I smile, "this is amazing! Wow how long did it all take?"

"Five… six? Six almost seven years." He set the glass down. "Scotch for my lady."

I pick up the glass, press it to my lips, and tilt my head back expecting the liquid to warm my throat but it doesn't. I set the glass down and glare at him. Eric is looking at me, something unreadable in his eyes, his thumb is rubbing against his lips.

"Hmm." He picks up the glass and raises an eyebrow. "I'm glad that this wasn't actual scotch."

"I could tell." I cross my arms, he nods his head as some sort of touché.

"Listen if you're looking to get trashed you should've stayed at home." He passes the glass from hand to hand.

"Isn't that the point of there being bars for people to go out and get trashed?" I throw my hands up.

"Not at four in the afternoon, Tris!" He looks at me, amber eyes bright with a fire. Bright with a will to finish a fight not even started.

"You know what. You're right. I should have just stayed home, kicked Christina out and locked my door. Then I could have-" I clench my fists aware of the tears stinging my eyes.

"Shh," Eric draws me towards him and I shake my head. "Come on. Let's get out of here. Get you away from wanting to drink yourself into a coma." I pull away and nod before wiping at my eyes. He cups my face, thumb brushing under my eyes.

He takes my hand and I wind my fingers through his as he pulls me from the office, hitting the lights on our way out. We're passing by the bar and the red-headed woman seems to be angrier than I remember. Eric slides her the empty glass.

"Nic, I'm heading out. Tell Sean to call if anything goes wrong when he gets in okay?" He gives her a smile and she nods. "That's my girl."

"So what are we doing?" I ask as he drags me through the parking lot, our feet splashing through puddles. He leads me to a Jeep Wrangler and two and two clicks together when I see its mud caked tires. "Oh no."

"Don't say it like that." Eric lets go of my hand and I climb into the passenger seat. He walks around and I slide my phone into my back pocket. He hops in and sticks the key in the ignition and then we pull out of the parking lot.

"Tobias told me that you didn't have a car." I watch the town go by.

"According to him and everyone else I don't. This is a "friend's" car." He chuckles and shakes his head, turning the jeep onto a muddy path. "I like Tobias driving me everywhere because it means he has to be "stuck" with my friends. I already have to put up with Zeke, Matthew, and Reggie but now that Tobias only has work they're over a lot more. So he can stay an extra hour at Max's."

"Wait so you act like you don't have a car to force Tobias to spend time around your friends as payback for his friends what coming over? You act like they live on your couch." I shoot him a look and his mouth is a thin line. "No… Nuh uh! They do?"

"Yep. The come over Thursdays if Tobias doesn't work the weekend and don't leave until Monday." We hit a bump and I grab the bar in front of me. "Or well they used too, now I think Tobias wants them over less in case he gets lucky." Eric shoots me a look and I roll my eyes.

"We've only been on like one date." I think back to the mini-golf night.

"He believes that the taco night and the movie last week were dates too." Eric reaches forward and turns on the cars stereo.

"Hmm, wouldn't have pegged you for an electronic dance music fan. More like heavy metal." I shrug and Eric smirks.

"I like both. I'm not going to complain about the genre. If it's good and I like it well I like it." We turn into the wooded area and the road gets bumpier.

"So he thinks the Taco night was a date?"

"Yeah, I mean he wouldn't shut up about how you kissed him." Eric's voice seems to get tight when he says that. "And that you two went to go see that movie I recommended. Not his favorite but the extra kisses after made up for it."

"Oaky there were like three kisses. Only one was initiated by me, because I felt like that was the only way for him to let me get up to pee during the movie!" I start yelling as Eric goes faster. "Oh god I'm gonna die, too!"

"You're not gonna fucking die." His knuckles go white and mud splashes up the side of the car. "So why did you text me about getting drunk?"

"What?" I jerk with the next bump. I'm going to die. My heart is hammering.

Eric sighs. "Why not contact your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend." I watch mud splash up Eric's window.

"Could've fooled me. He told me about the night after the movie."

"Why are you so angry?" I scream at him.

We go faster and my fingers tighten around the bar and we drop a little, mud splashing up the front windshield. I hear a squealing noise and Eric presses on the gas. "Fuck, we're stuck." He opens the door not bothering to look at me and get out. A wet sploosh coming from the mud.

"What?" I open my door and step out, my sneakers getting soaked. I walk around to the back and he's bent over examining the back tires. "What the fuck was that!"

He looks up at me and hits a tire with his knuckles. "We got stuck."

I push him. "You're crazy!"

He stares at me, and I turn around and take off walking. "Where are you going?"

"Away from you!" I slip and land ass down in the mud and I hear Eric start laughing. "Jackass!" I yell as I pick myself up, muddy water soaking through my jeans, thankful that I left my phone in the jeep. Eric's still laughing and I scoop up some mud in one of my hands and throw it at him. It lands mostly on the back bumper some of it splatters onto him and for a moment I smile, an ache in my heart that's letting go and I pick up another handful and throw it again, hitting him in the chest. His mouth hangs open looking from the mud on his shirt and back up to me. His eyes narrow and he shrugs off his jacket and throws it down.

"Eric," I hold up my hands. "Eric?"

He takes off towards me and I start running around the jeep, I slide and fall into the mud. It soaks through my shirt and coats my neck and arms as I scramble to my feet. I'm almost up when his arms wrap around me and we both fall backwards into the mud. I try to get up and he rolls over, arms pinning mine down and his knees on either sides on my thighs.

"That was mean." He removes a hand from mine and wipes at the mud on his face.

"You're an ass so you deserved it." I turn my head from him.

"I'm sorry." He gets off me and I sit up. "So who was it?"

"I'm sorry?" I look at him and he's kneeling in the mud.

"You reacted pretty harshly." He sits back on his haunches.

"Well you were driving like a madman." I wipe at my jeans.

"Who died? I take it, it was a car accident. Especially with the way you reacted." He raises an eyebrow at me. "And the 'I'm gonna die, too.' Too implies something." I wipe some of the mud off my shirt, it may be ruined. Eric stands up and holds a hand out to help me up.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have antagonized you." He walks around the back to grab his jacket. "Let's get this bitch unstuck. You on the gas and I'll push?"

I nod, after a few minutes we get the back tires out and we wipe down the windows. My phone is on the dashboard where it starts buzzing. I look at it and it's Tobias.

"Answer it." Eric seems annoyed and I hit the ignore button.

"Nah, I'll call him back later."

"He'll call right back, you know." Sure enough my phone lights up with Tobias' name and I hit ignore. "He probably just got off work. It is six, the sun will be setting soon. Better get you home."

He moves past me and I reach out to press a hand against his chest. "Why are you so angry?"

He smirks at me and shakes his head. "You don't get it do you?"

"What?"

"Nothing." He grabs my hand and I step in his way.

"Tell me."

He grabs my face and pulls me to him, he presses me against the side of the jeep and my hands grab at his shirt as he kisses me. "I'm jealous." He whispers when he pulls away and I keep my eyes closed. "Your phone's ringing again."

I turn and get in the jeep, my phone buzzing like crazy on the seat. I hit ignore and wait for Eric to get in. When he does I turn my head to talk to him and stop short. He has his phone pressed to his ear. "Hello?"

He shoots me a look. "No, yes Christina did ask me about her earlier. I haven't seen her. I could call her if you'd like me to?" He pulls away the phone and covers it. "Tobias thinks you're ignoring him." He whispers to me before pressing the phone back to his ear. "I was just talking to someone. It's none of your business nosey."

I groan and buckle myself in. I'm jealous he had said, jealous of what? When Eric hangs up my phone starts ringing again and I grab it and answer. "What?"

"Ouch!" Tobias gives a weak chuckle. "I've been trying to call."

"I see that. Listen I'm busy." I shoot Eric a look and he's shaking his head slightly.

"Oh, I was going to ask if you'd like to go out with Zeke and Shauna tonight."

"Not tonight, Tobias." I sigh.

"Then maybe this weekend?" He asks.

"I don't know, Tobias." I grab the bar in front of me when we hit a bump.

"Christina said that you were really upset earlier. Maybe I can come over and we could talk?"

"Not tonight, Tobias. Tonight I just want some me time." I bite the inside of my cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow okay?"

"Okay. Bye." I hang up and go through my contacts finding Christina's number. The line rings in my ear and my shoulders are tense.

"What the fuck, Tris?"

"I'm fine, I'm with Eric." I hear her give a sigh of relief. "I'll see you later."

"Tris-" I hang up on her and turn my phone off.

"Should I get you home?" Eric starts to turn onto the road to the apartment complex and I shake my head.

"No. I don't want to go home right now."

"Well, where would you like to go? You need a shower."

I look at him and for a few seconds his eyes hold mine. "I want to go home with you."

We head back to his house, and part of me feels excited, adrenaline running through my veins. I can feel my heart hammer in my chest. The other part nervous and terrified. Oh god what am I doing? Oh god. Eric circles the lot and parks the Jeep in the back.

"Hold on." He picks up his phone and taps at the screen. After a few seconds it lights up and he nods. "He's probably not going to be back until late. Like two in the morning late. Come on."

We make our way up the stairs and into the house and I laugh when I look at Eric, who's covered head to toe in dried mud. "You're a mess!"

"You're one to talk." He smiles and pulls me close. I push up on my toes and place a kiss on his lips. What am I doing?

He ducks down and kisses me longer, pushing me backwards down a hallway. He turns on a light and his hands go to the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head. He pulls away, turns on the shower, and then removes his shirt. He pulls me close and tugs the hair tie out of my hair.

"Let's get you clean okay?"

"Okay." My hands go for the button on his jeans as his fingers find the clasp on my bra. Soon we're undressed and I step into the tub. I watch Eric grab two washcloths and loosen his hair from its hair band. He steps in the shower in front of me and my arms wrap around his waist. He soaps up one of the washcloths and starts scrubbing at my skin.

"It's in your hair." He pushes me back so I can stick my head under the running water. "God damn." I hear him hiss.

"What?" I ask as I wipe water out of my eyes. He pulls me too him and kisses me, his tongue flicking at my bottom lip. He pulls away teeth tugging at my lip.

"Excuse me." He moves around me and wets his hair. I grab his shampoo and lather up my hair, hopefully washing all the mud out. I squirt more into my palm and reach up to lather it in his hair. I grab the washcloth that he brought for himself and soap it up before rubbing it against his chest.

"It went up your back and your chest." I giggle and one of his hands cover mine.

"Of course." He turns and I start scrubbing at his back, neck, and arms. He turns to rinse out his hair and his body before trading places with me. I rinse out my hair and jump a little when I feel Eric's hands touch my shoulders and I press against him.

We stand there for a few minutes, my cheek pressed against his chest. "You know I have a thing for men with chest hair."

"Mm, you'd be disappointed Four doesn't have any. Doesn't like it." He kisses the top of my head and I look up at him.

"No talk of him, okay? Not while I'm right here, and we're like this." He nods and ducks down to kiss me before turning me around. The wall of the shower is cold against my breasts, I moan as he kisses down my back. I part my legs and he slides a hand around my stomach and down to my clit.

There's a knock on Eric's bathroom door. "Hey, man." It's Tobias.

"Fuck." Eric pulls away from me and steps out of the tub and grabs a towel. "Yeah?" I stay behind the curtain. What the fuck am I doing?

"Have you seen my card anywhere?"

"Nah," Eric replies and then after a second. "Wait I think you left it out on the ottoman last night when you were cleaning out your pockets. Maybe you knocked it off."

"So Tris seems mad at me and I don't know why. Do you think you could find out for me? Since you two seem close." Tobias sounds worried as if he was close to being dumped at any second… oh shit. He thinks we are dating.

"Yeah." Eric says curtly.

"You alright? Oh god you were tugging it weren't you?"

"Go away, Four." Eric hisses.

"Dude, I am so sor… is that a bra?" I hear a snort. "So you have a lady in there? Sorry man didn't mean to mess up the mood."

"Shut up."

Oh god. I cover my face and Tobias laughs from the hall. "I'll leave, I can pay Zeke back. Don't forget to wrap it!" I hear Eric groan and the front door closes then Eric closes the bathroom door. He pulls the shower curtain back and I'm aware that the water is cold.

"You okay?" He asks and I shake my head.

"I can't do this." I whisper.

"What?"

"I can't do this to Tobias." I step out and search for a towel, I may have to wear my dirty clothes… fuck. Eric is going to have to give me a ride back home.

"What do you mean?" Eric opens a cabinet and hands me a tan towel.

"I can't cheat on him." I start toweling down and Eric pinches the bridge of his nose.

"You're not even dating though!"

"I know that but he doesn't. He thinks that we are dating and I have to settle this before-" I stop and shake my head and start picking up my clothes. Eric takes them from me and leaves the bathroom, water droplets running down his back. There's water soaking the bath mats and I shut the water off.

"Here." Eric comes back dressed, the ends of his hair soaking the collar of his shirt, and hands me clothes of his and I quickly get dressed.

"You said before. Before what?" He takes my towel and hangs it on the door knob.

I stare at his reflection in the mirror and I sigh. "Before-" I start messing around with you. "-he does something embarrassing."


	3. Chapter 3

I pace around the kitchen, laptop in my hands the skype screen still loading. There’s a ding and my brother’s face slowly comes into focus. “Hey baby sister!” He smiles and it slowly fades. “What’s wrong?”

“I got an email back from that magazine.” I set the laptop on the counter.

“And?” Caleb asks warily.

“I’m not good enough.” I shake my head, “No, I didn’t even hear back from who I emailed! I got a rejection from her assistant! Who said that Mr. Atwell was too busy to interview me and that the position would more than likely be filled after this meeting in three weeks!” I scream. “They do not have a yes for the position but I’m given a no because the person they had in mind may say yes when they ask in a few weeks.”

My brother sighs and shakes his head. “You know how it goes, Beatrice, it’s about who you know not how good you are. Mom would tell you that.”

I cross my arms and stomp my foot, “I’m still angry.”

“I know. So what are you going to do now? There has to be a bar around there right? You did that for a while, or a café right? Starbucks, man. Hell do retail!”

“I just may have to.” I shake my head, smile, and change the subject.

That late afternoon finds me sitting next to the futon with applications spread around me, my laptop open with ones I can fill out online. There’s a knock on my door and I tuck the pen that’s in my hand behind my ear and stand up. Lauren is standing on the other side, pillow in her arms.

“I am inviting you over for dinner and movies.”

“Oh,” I bite the inside of my cheek.

“I brought this pillow to see if you wanted to use it or bring your own.” She pats the bright green case and I wonder for a brief second if it has matching ones or if it’s a random pillow cover.

“Lauren I can’t I- I’m busy.” I shrug and her shoulders drop.

“Okay.” She squeezes the pillow and backs away. “If you change your mind just come over.”

I shut the door and I faintly hear another door shut, I exhale and walk back to my spot on the floor. I don’t know how long I’m there, headphones in my ears, fingers aching. All the paper applications have been filled out and my laptop is closed. I sigh as my stomach starts growling, I set the stack of papers on the table and open the fridge.

But what am I looking for? I snort when I look at my almost empty fridge. I forgot to go shopping this week. I stare out the window and debate whether going out in the nippy weather is worth a full fridge or giving up and getting delivery. Though I am going to have to scrounge for money either way, I don’t think I have enough for groceries. Shit.

I feel guilty for having to ask my grandmama for rent money this month so asking for money for food is absolutely out of the question. I’m not asking my brother either. I look at the applications, could I make it until I got hired? I notice the notification light on my phone flashing.

Lauren said that you weren’t coming over :(

Christina sent it four hours ago… Shit, was it really almost ten? I pick up my phone and text Lauren if there was any food left. I wait for the buzz in my hand but it never comes, so I pocket my phone assuming that everyone is asleep or busy and grab my keys. I open my door as the one catty-corner opens and Eric steps out a plate in his hands.

“I’ll tell her.” He laughs and lets the door shut. The smell of the burritos and rice on the plate make my stomach growl loudly. “Well there she is, out of the dungeon are we?”

“What do you mean?” I thumb the key between my fingers.

His smile drops as he hands me the plate, he ducks in and kisses my lips. “You’ve been ignoring me.”

“No.” I lie, knowing that I have and that I’ve been ignoring Tobias too.

“You have been.” He pulls back and the smile is back. “One plate of food at the lady’s request.”

“Thank you.” I turn to head back inside and Eric hovers in the doorway. “Coming in?”

He shrugs. “I don’t think you would want me to.”

“Why not?” I set the plate down and his eyes go towards the papers.

“Homework?” He teases and I shake my head.

“Looking for work. Long story.” I find a plastic fork and start eating. “You sure you don’t want to come in and not hover in the doorway?”

“Nah, I should get back to the ‘party’,” he makes quotes with his fingers and I thank him again for the plate of food before he shuts the door. I wait for the door to open and close across the hall but it doesn’t, instead the door out to the stairs slams shut and I take the plate to the window and watch Eric walk across the yard.

The next morning I enter Toxic Spirits, tucked under my arm is the application I found taped to my door. It’s been a week and the only call back I’ve gotten was for a part time shift at the local supermart. The redheaded woman is there wiping at the bar and a brawny blonde man with stubble is arranging bottles. She looks at me and glares, for what I don’t know.

“He’s not here.” She yells as I head to Eric’s office.

“He told me to come in.” I knock on the door and Eric is leaning against his desk, a middle aged man is sitting in his chair. Eric looks up and smiles and I hand out the application and once he takes it I turn and leave. This is totally cheating, I bite at the inside of my cheek as I pass the fuming redhead.

I head home on foot, better to not waste gas when I’m short on money.  Before I get to the apartments I see a familiar car pass me before it pulls over. Tobias rolls down the passenger window as I walk up to him.

“Going somewhere?” I nod towards the suitcase in the backseat.

“On a trip with my mom, we go every year.” The smile leaves his face, “you haven’t called me all week is something okay?”

“Tobias,” I sigh, now or never. “We need to talk.”

“Can it wait until after I get back?” He knows what it is.

“No I’m sorry but-”

“Please don’t,” he looks out the front windshield, hands tight on the steering wheel.

“I can’t continue going out with you.” I say, a weight lifted from my shoulders.

“It’s Eric isn’t it? You’re breaking up with me because of him?”

Well kind of… “No it’s not him.”

“Then why?” He still won’t look at me and I decide I can’t tell him, I know he’ll make promises to fix it so I go an easier route.

“There’s someone back home I’m not over. I thought I would be but I’m not. Sorry, Tobias.” I fold my arms and tell him to have a safe trip and that we’ll still be friends before walking off.

I hear muffled voices and my fridge opening and closing through my foggy head, I groan and roll over picking up my phone. It’s almost ten in the morning.  I scramble out of bed when I hear laughing and the front door shutting, I’m alone. Maybe I was imagining having company because I swear I locked the door.  I grab my laptop and start my weekly skype call with my brother.

“Hey, Beatrice.” Caleb smiles once he gets on. “How’s the job search going?”

“There was a part time job at the local store. It was for Friday and Saturday from five to nine.” I shrug. “So I applied at this bar a friend works at and surprisingly he hasn’t called me back. So much for the it’s about who you know.”

“Patience, Beatrice,” my brother looks down.  “So Grandmama wants to know if you’re okay you haven’t called her.”

Right then my front door opens and Lauren, Max, and Will all walk through with groceries in their hands. “Yo, Tris we got you groceries because you have jack shit in your fridge!” Lauren sits them on the counter and starts putting stuff away, I feel my face burning.

Will stops and looks at me, “Chris said that she can give you a ride since you’ve been walking everywhere.”

I hear my brother cough.

“Uhm, we’ll talk about this later.” I turn back to the screen and my brother is angry.

“Beatrice.”

I’m in trouble. “Everyone this is my brother Caleb.” I motion to the screen.

“Hello.” He gets out through his teeth. “Don’t change the subject. You’re doing well?”

“Caleb-”

“You did have food right?” He narrows his eyes and Lauren comes over.

“Nope it was completely empty,” she pats my shoulder. “Don’t worry we got you food.”

I look back at Caleb and he is gone, the screen empty, the call ended. My phone buzzes, _you’re so stubborn won’t even ask for help. We’ll talk later, Beatrice, right now I’m just too angry at you._

I shut my laptop and turn to Lauren, “I can’t accept this.”

“Why not?” She is back to putting away groceries.

“I just can’t.” I stare at the bags. “It’s too much.”

“I bet if it was Four doing this you’d be okay with it.” Will nudged Max who nodded.

I grab a glass and fill it with water from the sink, “I don’t see why. We broke up a couple of days ago.”

“Wait…” Max holds up a hand, “you two broke up?”

“You poor thing, I thought Four would have stayed with you a little longer.” Lauren holds up ice cream and I shake my head.

“He would have if I didn’t end it.”

“Hold up.” Will then takes the glass out of my hand and sets it down before taking my wrists in his hands and pressing the middle two fingers against my skin. “You broke up with him?”

“Yes.”

Will furrows his brow and nods, “she’s not lying.”

Of course I’m not, god dammit why do people not believe me? It’s quiet after as Lauren and I finish putting away the food and I grab a bowl of cereal after she whines that they didn’t just buy me food for me to eat a boring bowl of cereal. Max gave me three hundred which I tried to give back but he said ‘we help family, and you’re family’. Then I found out that my brother had put five THOUSAND, sweet Jesus Caleb you fuck, in my bank account.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” I yell into the phone.

“BEATRICE MICHAEL WRIGHT!” My grandmama yells and I pull the phone away from my ear.

“Sorry, Grandmama, why do you have Caleb’s phone?”

“I had to borrow it to make a call. Did you get the money? He wanted me to ask if it was enough or if you needed more?” I can hear her smile.

“It’s enough, how are you?” I sit myself down and only hang up two hours later when I’m done talking to both her and Caleb.

I text Eric a quick ‘hey’ but he doesn’t respond back, in fact now I haven’t heard from him since the night he gave me food.  After two days of him not answering me I ask Max about it when I’m invited over for movies.

“He may be really busy,” Max rubs the back of his head. “That is kind of unlike him. I mean Lauren invited him over and he asked if you would be invited. We told him of course and he told us that he couldn’t show up.”

“Did you two fight?” Christina giggles and leans over Will to whisper to me. “Maybe he’s got a girlfriend and wants some time with her.”

“Maybe.” I pretend that the lurch my heart gave wasn’t me being upset. We watch three movies and throughout it Christina is texting someone, maybe Lauren because her phone keeps lighting up. It’s almost one in the morning, Christina and Will have left and Lauren fell asleep, Max and I finished another movie before I left. I lock the door behind me and get ready for bed.

I wake up, rain beating against the window.  Is that what woke me up? I start to roll over when there’s knocking on my door. I get up and run my hands through my hair before opening the door. Eric is standing there soaking wet.

“What time is it?”

“Just a little past three.” He leans against the door frame, his hair is sticking to his face.

“Oh god, why did you wake me? Let me sleep!” I groan and rub at my face.

“Is it true?” He asks.

I squint at him. “Is what true?”

“That you ended it with” He stops and motions with his hand and I nod.

He starts forward and grabs my face and mashes his mouth to mine, our lips move together as he pushes me back into the apartment before kicking the door shut.

“Lock it.” I pant out. “Or they’ll come in at six in the morning.”

“Okay, stay here.” He locks the door and looks at me, eyes like fire. “Oh god.” He says before rushing at me and picking me up in his arms, I wrap my legs around him and we kiss. He props me up against the archway next to my bed. He pulls my shirt up to get to the waistband of my underwear, I help him get it over one leg and he unbuttons his pants.

“Not going to the bed?” I ask between kisses placed on his neck, his wet shirt is soaking through mine.

“No time I need to.” He tears open a condom from his pocket and I understand the urgency that we have. We need to be together as one. He slides me onto him and I twist my hands into his shirt, I can feel the water dribble between my fingers.

He thrusts against me and my hands slide up his neck into his hair, his face is buried in my neck, his breath hot against my skin. I moan and drag my open mouth to bite his ear lobe. He stiffens and wrap my legs around him tighter.

“You changed your hair.” He tugs at a lock as I undress him.

“Yeah, you like it?”

“Yeah.” He smiles and kicks out of his jeans and boxers. When we’re both naked he pushes me down on the bed, “You didn’t come, let me help you.”

Before I can say anything his mouth is making its way down my stomach, his nose trails through the hair between my thighs before his tongue licks at me. My hand curls in the sheets as the other one smooths my hair back from my face. As his tongue flicks against me the sparks in my body ignite and grow and grow until my whole body clenches and then goes limp.

Eric climbs up me to rest his head on my pillow. “Good?”

“Good.” I smile, “so who told you because it wasn’t me. You we’re ignoring me.”

“I’m sorry. I was busy and you were ignoring me first.” He kisses my nose. “Christina and Lauren.”

Of course. I cover us up and I fall asleep in his arms. Morning comes in the form of rain still beating on the window and ringing. For a moment I believe that I dreamt last night, until Eric’s arm tightened around me and he whispered, “Make it stop!”

“Okay, I will.” I whisper and grab my phone, it’s an unknown number so I click the power button and put it back on the dresser.  I roll back over to face Eric, his eyes are closed.

“Morning, sleepy head.” I lean over and kiss him my hand going down to touch him.

“Mmm, keep doing that.” He kisses my neck and then down to my breasts. I take hold of him and he groans against my skin. “Tris.” I continue to stroke him as his hand reaches for me and slides between my thighs.

My hand falters and all the breath in my lungs leave my mouth in a sound. A name. His name. Eric.

“I got you.” He sits up on his free arm and looks down at me, I reach up and brush his hair back.  My breathing gets louder and my other hand grabs his shoulder. My nails digging into his skin.

“More.” I press my hips against his hand and his fingers press harder against my clit. His head ducks down and his mouth closes around one of my nipples. “I want you,” I slide both my hands from to his back.

“Can’t.” His fingers push into me and he kisses up my throat to my chin and then my mouth. “I only brought one condom.”

“Why?” I lean up to press my face into his neck.

“Wasn’t expecting you to answer and let me in. But I brought one on hope that maybe.” We both make a noise, at least I think we do. I know I do. “Maybe you’d let me in.”

“I have.” I let my top half fall and hit the pillow, my hips arch up and my legs go taught, bent at the knees. My whole body is ridged. Something snaps and my body goes slack.

Eric kneels between my legs and my heart leaps. I’ve never done anything without protection before, though soon my fear is unnecessary. He raises both my legs, rests my calves on his shoulders, presses my thighs together, and I understand what he is going to do. He pushes himself between the skin of my thighs and groans. His hips press against me and his fingers are going to leave bruises on my thighs.

I reach up and grab at his hands and he lets go. I let my legs fall open and he climbs over me to kiss me, hips rutting against my stomach. Our mouths are never apart for long, his hands are gripping mine above our heads.

“Tris,” he repeats against my mouth with each thrust. My legs hook around his and he goes taut and spills hotly on my stomach. We lay there for minutes, the grey of the sky giving way to pinks and oranges, before the sunlight settles on bright yellow. My stomach growls and he laughs before nuzzling my neck. “You’re hungry,” his stomach growls too.

“I can feed you.” I kiss his head.

“Mmm, cook for me naked.” He sits up and I shake my head, “oh don’t be shy now. I know what you look like unclothed.”

“I know.” I run my fingers down his chest, “You’re so handsome.”

After breakfast I head down to the first floor to use the laundry machines there as Eric takes a shower. I throw his clothes in with mine and head back up to my floor. I lock the door behind me and Eric is standing in the middle of my living room, naked skin and all.

“Hi?”

“Hi.” He smiles and I don’t know why my face is getting hot.

“You’re clothes are in the washer and then I can put them in the dyer.” I take a step towards him. “I thought you were taking a shower?”

Eric starts towards me and I reach up to cup his face, the rings on his lip are cold against my lips. His hands grab my waist to pull me closer and I slide my arms around his neck. His mouth leaves mine and trails down my neck and my pulse starts thundering.

“I was going to. Take one with me?” His hands pull at my shirt, his body hard against mine.

“Okay.” I get out breathlessly, letting him lead me to my bathroom.


End file.
